Over at Bobvis, a conversation about college education turned into a conversation about creepy older guys at college that couldn’t get any action.

Though I don’t have any creepy old guy stories, I have a creepy young guy story.

I was nonetheless reminded of Honors Chemistry II, which I took my junior year in college. For whatever reason, my class of 15 had only three guys in it. I was actually the only male to show the first day and one of them actually dropped the course before ever showing up..

I had to admit, I liked the odds!

I was actually sort of dating someone at the time, but my putative girlfriend and I were on a not-so-subtle race to see who could lend out of the relationship more safely and quickly than the other. I set my sights pretty quickly on a cute, smiley young lady named Kara.

Kara had already been partnered up with the Other Guy, who hadn’t shown up the first labs (neither had the third guy, but he’d dropped the course apparently before ever showing up). She had been working with me and my partner, which was how I had been getting to know her. So I wasn’t sure what to expect except an irrational fear of competition that had been drilled into me by a confidence-sapping significant other that had been persistently framing every boy she knew as potential competition for the four months that we’d gotten to know one another.

Anyway, so the guy finally showed.

He was wearing gel in his hair, jewelry all over, a smug smile, and more sexual desperation than I had ever seen on anybody in my entire life. Never in my life had I seen someone that oozed sexual frustration out of every poor of his body. You know that guy who pretends to be cool, but when he does it only outlines how uncool he is? Think Michael Scott from The Office. Yeah, this guy was pretending, from the get go, that he had ever had sex in his short and obviously miserable life, which was only outlining how lonely and desperate he was.

I can’t even explain what about him gave me the impression that I got, but my lab partner and Kara had apparently been thinking the exact same thing. “I need to take a shower whenever I think about him,” Kara later told me.

In some respects, I ought to feel sorry for the guy. He was most likely born with unexceptional (though not necessarily ugly) appearances. He was probably born utterly devoid of a personality. But some people just kick off a certain gear in your head that says “this guy is unsafe.” I don’t even know what I would fear that he might do, if alone with a woman and something went awry, but prior to meeting him I didn’t know such pitiable miscreants existed.

I ended up dropping the class myself. My interest in Kara waned the more I got to know her. The girl I was seeing beat me in the race out of the relationship that we both detested.

Category: School

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5 Responses to Oozeboy

  1. Spungen says:

    Wow, dude, you’ve had an amazingly creep-free existence if that’s the only one you can think of!

    Was he a white guy? American born? Sometimes that’s quasi-normal for foreign types.

    I love Steve Carrell. But, that character is totally the type of pathetic guy I would have hooked up with back in my single days mainly bc I felt sorry for him. So I speak with authority when I say that those frustrated types are usually terrible in bed. Remember in Revenge of the Nerds when the head nerd hooks up with the sorority girl, and she asks why it was so great, and he explains that that’s all nerds think about, so therefore they’re the best? Total ripoff, not true.

  2. Will Truman says:

    Definitely a white guy. Had a vague resemblence of “Sherman” from American Pie. Come to think of it, so did another guy that would probably register on the “creepiness” scale somewhere.

    I’m sure if I thought about it I could think of a couple others, but like I mentioned on Bobvis it’s easier for guys to overlook other creepy guys cause they’re not on our radar.

    We do oftenly recognize very problematic young ladies, though. However, we often don’t let psychosis get in the way of feminine companionship. We sometimes convince ourselves that it makes them more interesting.

    An old post of mine and a couple comics that may interest you:
    Hit Coffee: Geeks Not In Love
    Something Positive: Lament of a Nice Guy, Part 1
    Something Positive: Lament of a Nice Guy, Part 2

  3. Spungen says:

    Oh, you read Half Sigma too. I think he’s way funnier than that bearded Sailer guy all the bloggertarians think is so witty. And on your 2Blowhards link, there’s Peter with his Alpha male theory!

    Hey, I remembered that comic from a Wikipedia entry on so-called “Nice Guy Syndrome.” I went back to refresh my memory — and found that the entry was deleted! I wonder why? Not scientific enough? But I thought pop culture had a place in Wikipedia too.

    There is still an entry page on “Nice Guy,” but nothing specifically regarding the theory that women pass up nice men because they prefer jerks. Yet, that goddamned Ladder Theory still has its own page!

  4. trumwill says:

    Sailer is obviously a very intelligent guy, but his leaps in logic are disturbing. He’ll pour over the data and make some very interesting observations about IQ distributions and how determinative it is for future success and then will bizarrely draw the conclusion that interracial marriage is a social evil.

    I read HS on a pretty regular basis. It honestly feels like a different country that they exist in, though. Where I come from, you don’t need an Ivy League degree and a job with BIGLAW to attract women, buy a house, or evade being a complete and utter failure in life. But it at least gives me something to be appreciative about regarding where I did grow up, which is generally looked down upon by the rest of the country (and not always wrongly so).

    I’m sure it will shock you to learn that the coworker mentioned in the “Geeks Not In Love” post was a huge, huge fan of the Ladder Theory (which I should that I do not believe is wholly without merit, though it’s a completely unhelpful — counterproductive, actually — philosophy for anyone that genuinely believes in it).

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