Add to these atrocities some of the worst recorded baby names of last year: Particularly enchanting were “Elizabreth” (no, really) and “Mhavrych” (pronounced “Maverick”). Parents across the U.S. are either flinging together random collections of letters or, more unsettlingly, looking to product manufacturers for inspiration. In 2014, 73 sets of parents put “Lexus” on their baby girl’s birth certificate documents. In the same year, seven boys were called Disney. And in 2015, exactly 100 girls were named Tesla.

Please make it stop. I’ll go to Donald Trump if I have to. The one despotic law change I could get behind in that lunatic’s neo-fascist America is an officially sanctioned list of names. Of course, if Trump were actually to design a law federally mandating a name list, it would likely consist of less than 10 choices, all of which would be Anglo Saxon and most of which would be variations on Donald. That’s not really what I’m after. I’d just like a law that says, at its heart, “Don’t call your baby Meldor or Little Sweetmeat or Beberly.” (Those are actual real baby names.) Fail to act, America, and today’s babies will grow up harboring the sort of issues that will make our current hypersensitive crop of safe space-seeking, easily triggered teens seem well adjusted.

Source: Why the government should regulate baby names


Category: Espresso

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4 Responses to Ruth Margolis: Why the government should regulate baby names

  1. Murali says:

    A bit disappointing actually. I so wanted to hate read the piece but she didn’t give me enough length to actually get going. Its easy to get this going if you’re going to be all white about this, but whenever laws like this are implemented, my people are often overlooked.

    Also, you might not have gotten this name which is just awesome:
    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/11/12/article-2502491-195CB84800000578-56_634x503.jpg

  2. Oscar Gordon says:

    Non issue as long as the US has a pretty easy way for people to legally change their names when they want.

    If Mhavrych thinks his name is a PITA, when he’s 18, he can change it, and if his parents complain, he can tell them just how idiotic they were when they gave him that name.

    • fillyjonk says:

      I will say even if Mharyvch doesn’t find his name a PITA, if he goes to college, his professors will on the first day of class (and possibly longer, there have been names I’ve stalled on every time because of their spelling)

      I live in fear of mortally offending someone because I can’t suss out how their name should be pronounced from the roll. I’m not quite quick enough memory or uptake wise to just ask people to introduce themselves and then I tick off the name on the list…

  3. greginak says:

    Ahh yes people showing off their individuality by doing the same thing other people are doing. Tats and piercings are so old fashioned and old fashioned now.

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