Clancy: I’m sorry that your tummy is hurting, though I am not sorry if it means that you’re going to be eating hot dogs in the future.

Trumwill: It’ll be a long time before I eat another convenience store hot dog.

Clancy: I can’t say that I have ever wanted to eat a convenience store hot dog.

Trumwill: You don’t know what you’re missing out on.

Clancy: Let’s see. In the last six hours you spent 45 minutes at a rest stop bathroom

Trumwill: Fifty-five. It was 45 from the first discharge to the last. Ten minutes waiting for the first discharge.

Clancy: Lovely… and since then, you haven’t wanted to eat anything…

Trumwill: I may never want to eat anything again. This could make for an innovative weight-loss program!

Clancy: Yeah, okay. Anyway, I’ve never cared much for hot dogs.

Trumwill: I go months without eating them. In fact, it’s probably an indication that my diet has gotten better than my stomach so thoroughly rejected that hot dog.

Clancy: That’s a bright side, I suppose. How long has it been since you had a hot dog?

Trumwill: Cooked? Months.

Clancy: Uncooked?

Trumwill: Well, I had a couple raw hot dogs when I was staying with Clint in Shaston last weekend.

Clancy: You eat uncooked hot dogs?!

Trumwill: They’re fantastic. I’m pretty sure that I am the one that got Clint into it, as well. an instant snack. and they’re pre-cooked, so you don’t have to worry about the bachteria of raw sausage.

Clancy: But how can they possibly taste good?

Trumwill: They just do. a nice, cold snack. Plus, I save carbs by not eating a bun!

Clancy: Fantastic. I just don’t like hot dogs. I prefer sausages. Cooked sausages.

Trumwill: The raw sausages aren’t nearly as good. Don’t ask me how I know that.

Clancy: I don’t even need to.

Trumwill: I’m talking about the precooked sausages. Not the really raw hot dogs. I probably shouldn’t say “raw” so much as “unheated.” actual raw sausage doesn’t taste good at all. at least, if it’s anything like raw bacon.

Clancy: You eat raw bacon?!

Trumwill: Only once. I figured if raw hot dogs were so good, raw bacon would be even better. Since I liked cooked bacon more than I like cooked sausages. I was wrong.

Clancy: Yes. Yes, you were.

Trumwill: You’ve tried it?

Clancy: Normal people don’t have to try it.

Trumwill: Yeah, but a normal person wouldn’t have discovered the glory that is uncooked hot dogs.

Clancy: Eck. I guess I like hot dogs okay if they’re grilled. But when they’re boiled, not so much.

Trumwill: I don’t like them boiled, either.

Clancy: You like them uncooked but not boiled?

Trumwill: I like them in the following order: uncooked, grilled, microwaved, then boiled.

Clancy: Microwave tastes different?

Trumwill: Not really. They’re mostly like boiled. The thing is, though, that the skin cracks. It creates a crevace that you can stick american cheese into. Kinda like those cheesedogs – which are really good uncooked, by the way – except cheesier.

Clancy: Throw in Easy Cheese and I think you’ve just about hit all of the low points of the american Diet.

Trumwill: Easy Cheese. Hmmm….


Category: Kitchen

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12 Responses to An Inconvenient Hot Dog

  1. john says:

    “Clancy: Normal people don’t have to try it.”

    You’re married to this woman?

  2. trumwill says:

    In these conversations, she tends to play Abbott to my Costello*. Don’t take these conversations too literally.

    But she’s right, of course, normal people don’t have to eat raw bacon to know that it doesn’t taste good.

    * – Hey, that’s funny. The example I used in the aforelinked post involved convenience store hot dogs.

  3. Linus says:

    I remain with Clancy and against you & Clint on this one.

  4. Clancy says:

    Thanks, Linus! πŸ™‚

  5. web says:

    Will,

    as a cook I must advise you that your eating habits are, on occasion, truly mind-boggling.

  6. Brandon Berg says:

    Italian dry sausages like salami and summer sausage are typically eaten raw. Well, not really raw because the fermentation results in chemical changes, but not really cooked, either.

    Who boils hot dogs?

  7. rob says:

    The difference in yumminess between raw and cooked baccon must be the largest of any food. But seriously, don’t eat raw pork.
    Who boils hot dogs? White people, I think hot dog packages give that as an option.

  8. trumwill says:

    Who boils hot dogs?

    People who want hot dogs but don’t have a grill handy (or don’t want to mess with it). We always grilled, but sometimes when eating over at others’ they’d boil. Particularly at things like birthday parties.

  9. Brandon Berg says:

    Even if you don’t have a grill, you can pan-fry them, or bake them, or broil them (isn’t broiling just upside-down grilling?). I can’t imagine any scenario, short of one involving being lost in the wilderness and stumbling upon hot springs, in which I would arrive at the conclusion that boiling is my best option for preparing any meat product.

  10. Will Truman says:

    Maybe the advantage is that you can cook a whole lot of them at once while giving them minimal attention? Since boiling is never easier than eating them straight from the fridge, and since they don’t offer any additional taste opportunities (the way that microwaved do), I never boil them, so I don’t know precisely what the idea behind that is. But I know that people do it.

  11. web says:

    Boiling does little to the taste of your standard hot dogs, though you can actually improve the taste if you toss a couple boullion cubes into the water as well to boil them.

    Bratwurst should be boiled in beer, and THEN grilled for the finish.

    Boiling meats has its advantages, though mostly in dishes where you’re trying to create a broth as well.

  12. David Alexander says:

    I couldn’t help but laugh my way through reading this exchange… πŸ™‚

    Who boils hot dogs?

    I grew up with boiling hot dogs. It’s not as good as a grilled hot dog, but it’s good enough when you’re hungry. Combined with a nice slice of cheese, and one can have a lovely Saturday evening meal.

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