I was introduced to The Nguyen Count several years ago by a friend. It was named after a young lady with the last name of Nguyen who had the awful luck of repeatedly dating guys who married the next woman that they dated, even though she really wanted to get married. Over time Nguyen Count was augmented as Miss Nguyen started sharing her story and others began topping it. The bad news is that the higher the count, the more cause for embarassment you have. The good news is that a higher account means your my-pathetic-luck stories surpass others, and in the single world where self-pity is king that is no small thing. I’ve never met Miss Nguyen — for all I know she is the stuff of lore — but her count was entrenched in the dating vocabulary of my social circle.

Scoring goes as follows:
+1 if the man/woman you dated exclusively ended up marrying the next person they were with. (no points awarded if you are/were anti-marriage)
+1 if the man/woman you dated succeeded you with a homosexual relationship. (no points if the person who preceded you was also of the same gender as your partner)
+1 if the man/woman ended up exclusively homosexual, but discovered this after the person after you. (no points awarded if they were already openly bisexual when you dated)
+1 if the man/woman you dated had kids with a later partner even if they swore they wouldn’t (if it’s the person after you, the +1 above is applicable, but no points are awarded here if you didn’t want kids yourself)
+2 if the man/woman you dated married someone that they previously considered having a disqualifying characteristic (Different religion, different politics, divorced, has kids, etc. but no points are awarded if their requirement was completely frivolous like never marrying a redhead or something)
+2 if the man/woman you dated succeeded you with their very first homosexual relationship.
+2 if the man/woman you dated ended up marrying the next person they were with and that person was someone that they met through you.
+3 if the man/woman you dated is married to someone of their gender by the laws of Vermont, Massachusetts, Hawaii, or some other state that allows for it.

So… what is your Nguyen Count?

I think mine is zero, though it may be one if they never ended up getting married. I’m not sure it counts even if they did marry as I sorta kinda maybe “stole” her from him in the first place.


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6 Responses to The Nguyen Count

  1. abel says:

    Zero.

  2. Before Sunrise says:

    As far as I know, mine is zero too!!

  3. Spungen says:

    What exactly does the Nguyen count signify?

    I think I know, but I’m having trouble putting it into words. It has something to do with the level of disrespect a subsequent relationship shows to you.

    Strictly construed, my Nguyen count is probably zero. I’ve still got my eye on a couple of guys re the gay thing. However, I wish to petition the Nguyen committee for points for the following dumpings. Even though they don’t technically fit the requirements, I think they qualify under the spirit of the Nguyen count.

    1. Guy was a virgin at 28. Sources report that he is STILL A VIRGIN at 37.

    2. Guy hasn’t had a girlfriend for 6 years.

    3. Guy dumped me for a fat chick with money. Then dumped her for another fat chick with money. (then fat chick with money dumped him, yay!)

  4. trumwill says:

    It’s kind of hard to articulate what it means, but it’s a sort of way of negating the time you spent together. You were the one before they met the one, or alternately after having dealt with you the next person was so great in comparison that they married them. Or that you were so awful that they went homosexual.

    Of course, it’s a sort of “world revolves around me” (not to mention paranoid) way to look at the whole thing, but that’s what makes it so fun.

    Of the three you provide, I am quite intrigued by #2, particularly if they took on the monk-life existence only after you were with them (if you split up a 12-year dry spell, I don’t think that would count because the issue obviously predated you). The problem with #1 is that there were obviously issues before you got together with them (though if they did not have sex with you or before you but became a sex-fiend afterwards, that may bear looking into, and #3 is difficult to quantify (the rules skew towards the black-and-white, which is why marriage counts by cohabitation does not) though it’s right in spirit.

    I may have a point or two on the lesbian front, but I don’t know enough about where the girl has been since and was before we met on that front and the relationship probably wasn’t serious enough to warrant pointage. I definitely got a vibe, though.

  5. Peter says:

    Or that you were so awful that they went homosexual.

    I doubt if that ever happens except on very rare occasions. What’s much more likely is that the person used you in an unsuccessful effort at going straight.

    While my Nguyen Count is zero, about 12 years ago I was used as a revenge f*** (woman breaks up with boyfriend, dates me and make sure boyfriend knows about it, then dumps me and goes back to him). That’s definitely not a morale-boosting experience.

  6. trumwill says:

    I doubt if that ever happens except on very rare occasions. What’s much more likely is that the person used you in an unsuccessful effort at going straight.

    The only instances where that may have happened probably involved a great deal of abuse. Very rare. Like I said, it’s a very self-centered way to look at the world. Post hoc ergo proctor hoc and all that that.

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